


What Dreams May Come

by CatFirebrand



Series: Miles To Go [5]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-27
Updated: 2014-05-27
Packaged: 2018-01-21 01:53:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1533323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatFirebrand/pseuds/CatFirebrand
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Turning over Shepard's body to Cerberus was the hardest thing Liara ever had to do, at least until Shepard walked back into her life, hoping to reclaim what they had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Blue hands pinned hers above her head. Liara smiled, coming slowly closer for a kiss. She grinned back, bucking her hips into the asari’s, needing the contact, needing her. She sighed as Liara’s lips traced her jaw, her neck, then found their way back to her mouth._

_She closed her eyes, reveling in the moment, in the heat, the need._

_“Shepard. Shepard!”_

_She opened her eyes, just as another explosion rocked the ship, venting her into space. No air. She had no air. She reached out, desperate, but the ship burned. Liara burned._

_While she was pulled away. Drifting._

_Dead._

“Liara!” 

Shepard woke with hoarse scream. Sweat drenched her body, and her breath came in great gasps. 

_You’re alive. Pull it together, Kylie._

She was alive, but Liara was gone. The whole crew was gone. Not dead, thankfully, but still gone, moved on with their lives. Well, Joker was there. And Garrus. At least she had Garrus. Shepard and Vakarian, taking on the galaxy again. But even he seemed troubled, haunted by whatever he’d encountered in the two years she’d lost. 

Two years. 

Shepard flopped backwards with a sigh, then rubbed her arm. The nightmares always gave her phantom pains. _Ridiculous, since the impact on Alchera probably shattered every bone in my body. To have only a few ache…_

She rubbed her face, and forced her mind away from it all. Her death, the dreams, the same argument she had with herself every time. 

_Move on, Kylie._

She shook her head and tossed the covers back, padding over to the shower. Nobody called her that anymore. Her mother might’ve, if they could actually talk. But she’d gotten oddly used to hearing her first name from Liara. 

_Liara’s gone._

Not dead, but just as gone. 

She stripped off her tank and underwear, and cranked on the hot water. It ran in sheets down her, relaxing her tense muscles a fraction. Not enough, though, as she stared at her body. The body that felt so familiar, and yet so foreign. The one covered in glowing scars, evidence of the cybernetic implants that had restored her life. Even her hair, which she’d kept long since leaving the Academy, was short. Too short, too shaggy to pull back, the way she’d been used to doing. She was sure Cerberus must’ve hacked it off, getting it out of the way while they rebuilt her. 

_It shouldn’t bother me so much._

But it did. All of it did. So many reminders of all the time she’d lost. 

Shepard cut the water and grabbed a towel. 

_“Commander, we’re about an hour out from Illium.”_

Illium. _And Liara, if Cerberus is to be believed._

She wished she didn’t feel so nervous. 

“Thanks, Joker.” 

Anything was better than not knowing. Wasn’t it? 

She stared at her reflection in the mirror, tracing the scars she found there. 

_Maybe not knowing is better._


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard stared at the door, suddenly far more nervous than she could ever remember being in her life. 

_It’s just a door._

But it wasn’t. It was _the_ door. 

The door to Liara. 

“Shepard…” She turned to Garrus, who wore a sympathetic expression. “She did ask to see you. That has to be good. Right?” 

Shepard swallowed, and gave a curt nod. _This shouldn’t be so hard._

“Come on, Shep. Rip the bandage off, already.” 

Kasumi gave her a shove, which brought her close enough to trigger the proximity sensor on the door. It opened into a small reception area, with a desk and a young, purple-skinned asari, who looked up, then stood. 

“Hello, Commander Shepard. Liara will be pleased to see you.” 

Shepard forced herself not to fidget. “Um, thanks. Are you her assistant?” 

“Yes. Liara relies upon me to acquire useful intelligence. I don’t have her network of contacts, but I supply her with supplemental data. It’s really an honor to work with her. My name is Nyxeris.” 

Shepard glanced at Garrus. His eyes said the same thing she felt—that something about Nyxeris felt off. 

_Creepy. Either that, or she’s trying to tell me Liara’s taken now. Which, sorry, but I’m not believing until Liara tells me herself._

“I’ll just go in, then?” 

Nyxeris nodded. “Of course, Commander.” 

Shepard turned away, and stepped through the door to Liara’s inner office. She could hear her on a call, and the words brought back sharp memory. 

“…have you faced an asari commando unit before? Few humans have.” 

_Benezia’s eyes, too dead to see Liara begging her to stop. She screams, but her attack fails under the assault of Shepard’s gun…_

She shoved the memories back, and stepped into the room. 

“I’ll make it simple. Either you pay me, or I flay you alive. With my mind.” Liara cut the call and turned. Her face went from determined to shock in half a second. “Shepard!” 

She spun the rest of the way, waving at the door. “Nyxeris, hold my calls.” 

Shepard nervously held out her hands in the traditional asari greeting. Relief washed over her as Liara overlaid hers without hesitation. All the air flooded out of Shepard at the contact. Liara was here, in front of her, touching her, and the connection neither of them had been able to explain or resist pulsed to life as though they’d never been apart. 

She closed the distance between them as Liara tilted her head. Their lips touched, and for a moment, the galaxy was right again. 

And then Liara pulled away, with a small shake of her head. 

The subtle rejection left Shepard feeling like she’d died again. 

“Garrus. It’s good to see you.” 

“You too, Liara.” 

Liara glanced at Shepard again, then put her desk between them. “My sources said you were alive. But I never believed… It’s very good to see you.” 

The words rang true, but there was a stiffness in her that broke Shepard’s heart. “It’s good to see you too, Liara. How’re you doing?” 

The words tasted like chalk in her mouth. 

The asari turned away. “I’m doing well. I’ve been working as an information broker. It’s paid the bills since you… Well. For the past two years.” She stepped back to her desk, and sat. “And now you’re back, gunning for the Collectors with Cerberus.” 

_Come with me. Come back_ to _me._ “If you know that, you know I could use your help.” 

“I can’t, Shepard.” 

Three words. Daggers. 

“I’m sorry. I have commitments here. Things I need to take care of.” 

Her head spun. _I can’t, Shepard._ “What kinds of things? Are you in trouble?” 

“No. No trouble. But…it’s been a long two years.” Liara stood, turning away again, and Shepard was almost relieved not to have to look into her sad blue eyes anymore. “I had things to do while you were gone. I have…debts to repay.” She turned, this time refusing to meet Shepard’s eyes. “Listen, if you want to help, I need something with hacking expertise. Someone I can trust.” 

Shepard listened, numb. She’d do it, of course. Hack any number of terminals, on any number of planets, if it meant being near Liara again. 

But she couldn’t shake the idea that something wasn’t right. That there was something her former lover wasn’t telling her. 

_I just hope it’s not that she’s over me._

 

Liara watched as the woman she loved walked out her office door. It hurt. It hurt watching her leave, it hurt not running to her the moment she’d walked in. 

It hurt hiding the truth. 

“That will be all, Nyxeris.” 

Her assistant bowed slightly, and left the office. She waited as the door slid shut, until she heard the faint beep that signaled it locking. 

And then she allowed herself to break down. 

Tears poured down her face as she buried her head in her arms. 

_Oh, Goddess. Shepard is alive. She’s here._

Liara held that thought close for a long moment, basking in it, in the glow of joy the thought contained. 

Only after, did she allow the despair in. 

_She’ll never forgive me._ I’ll _never forgive me. But I had to do it. I had to. And I’d do it again._

She took a shuddering breath, and forced herself to sit up. She had work to do. Debts to repay. And maybe, just maybe, repaying them would make her worthy of her commander again.


	3. Chapter 3

Shepard took a deep breath, letting it out in a jagged sigh. Garrus placed a hand on her shoulder, a calming influence for which she was grateful. He didn’t use any words, but His face said it all. She swallowed tightly, nodding to him. “Thanks.” 

The door spun open in front of her, and as she stepped into Liara’s office, she heard Jack comment. 

“What’s up with her? I didn’t think anything rattled her, but she looks like she’s gonna piss herself.” 

Garrus’s reply followed her in. “They have a history. Saved the galaxy, fell in love. And then Shepard died.” 

“Well, fuck.” 

Liara glanced up as the door shut, meeting Shepard’s eyes. _Yeah. My thoughts exactly, Jack._

“Shepard. It’s good to see you again.” Blue eyes followed her as she sat. “So, what can I do for you?” 

_Stop being so formal, for one second, and tell me you still love me?_ She didn’t voice the thought. Instead, Shepard took another deep, steadying breath, and began. “I know you’re looking for the Shadow Broker. Cerberus gave me data on where to find him. Interested?” 

“Absolutely.” 

The conviction in Liara’s voice was like a punch to the gut. _She’s so focused._

“I had no idea. Let me see what you’ve got.” 

Shepard passed over the intel, stored on a data pad, and watched as Liara poured over it, muttering to herself. 

“Oh, Goddess. It’s about Feron. He’s still alive.” 

She smiled as she said his name, another stab to Shepard’s heart. _Is that why? She moved on?_

_Stop it. You’re here to help her. If she moved on, she moved on. Get over it._

“Who is he?” 

Liara sat, refusing to look at her. “He was my partner. The Shadow Broker captured him. I was certain he was dead. Shepard, I…” 

Here it is. “What ever it is, you can tell me, Liara.” 

“He helped me recover your body.” 

Shepard froze. “What?” 

“It is a long story, one I will not burden you with. I met Feron in the course of searching for you. I hoped that I could at least lay your body to rest. But I was not the only one searching. Cerberus wanted your remains, as did the Collectors. And the Collectors hired the Shadow Broker to obtain you.” 

Liara’s hands slid below her desk, out of Shepard’s line of sight, but she could tell from the way her arm tensed that the asari was clenching her fists. Tightly. Shepard’s breath caught. _Is that why the obsession? Because the Broker wanted me?_

“Feron… In the end, he sacrificed himself so that I could escape with your body. What was left of it.” Liara’s eyes were no longer pinned to the desk, but squeezed closed. 

“And I… I gave your body to Cerberus.” Her eyes opened, finally connecting with Shepard. “It is my fault, Shepard. I gave you to them, knowing how much you hate them, because they said they could rebuild you.” 

Shepard stared, stunned. “I… Why didn’t you tell me this before?” 

“Because I screwed it up, Shepard. I barely escaped with my own life. And when I gave you to Cerberus, I told myself I was doing it for you. For a chance to bring you back. But I knew Cerberus would use you for their own business.” Liara looked away again, tears shimmering at the corners of her eyes. “And I let it happen. Because… I couldn’t let you go. I am so sorry, Shepard. I know you’ll never forgive me. I—” 

“I’m not.” Shepard stood, leaning on the desk, wishing it wasn’t between them. “I’m not sorry. You did the right thing, Liara. There’s nothing to forgive.” 

But her words didn’t erase the guilt from Liara’s face. “Thank you, Shepard. I was certain you’d hate me.” 

_“That’s_ why you pushed me away?” The words blurted out before she could stop herself. “Liara, I—” 

“That is why I must destroy the Shadow Broker! For what he did to my friend, and to you. And whatever he’s doing with the Collectors.” Fiery determination burned in blue eyes that were still wet from her tears. 

_Oh, Liara._ “Okay. What’s the next step?” 

“Shepard, I can’t… I will not ask you to help me.” 

“Liara.” She sighed, and pushed away from the desk. “Any friend of yours is a friend of mine. Let me help you. Please.” 

“I… Of course. I need to prepare, to think.” Liara grabbed something off her desk, and brushed past her. “I need to go home. Use my terminal if you need any local intel.” 

“Liara, wait. Are you okay?” 

The asari shook her head, and kept walking towards the door. “I’ve spent two years plotting revenge.” Liara stopped then, and turned halfway back, not quite looking at Shepard. “Now I have the chance to make it a rescue.” 

“I want to help, Liara. I’m serious. I’ll come by your apartment?” The words hurt to say. Liara was so clearly determined to keep her at arm’s length, to not let her get close. _She has to let me help._

“Alright. Hopefully I’ll have a plan by then. Thank you, Shepard.” 

Shepard’s reply died on her lips as Liara left. _You’re welcome. I love you._

_Why won’t you let me in?_

 

Liara’s entire body shook as she walked out the door, barely noticing the occupants of the antechamber. 

“Liara.” 

She froze at the familiar voice. “Garrus.” She shook off her shock and grinned, closing the distance between them with a hug. “Goddess, it’s good to see you.” 

“Likewise. Everything okay?” 

The moment of camaraderie vanished, instantly replaced by the doubts, fears, and anger that had chased her out of her office. “I…” She closed her eyes and forced the walls she’d carefully built over the last two years back in place. “I am fine. It was good to see you.” 

She only managed two steps before Garrus’s voice stopped her again. 

“That’s it? What happened in there, Liara? What happened to _you_?” 

Anger flared. “How can you even ask me that, Garrus? You know what it was like. You left, just as I did. I know what happened on Omega. I know how much you lost. How much we _all_ lost.” 

Garrus’s mandibles twitched, a sign of either anger or embarrassment. “You’re right. Neither of us are the same people we were after Saren. But she’s _right there_ , Liara.” 

She bowed her head, the anger gone as quickly as it had come. “I know. Forgive me, old friend. I must go.” 

She turned away, but his voice stopped her a final time. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I should have been there. I should have helped, should have had more faith. Forgive _me_.” 

“It’s past and done. As Shepard said to me, there is nothing to forgive.” Liara left without looking back, an unfamiliar voice chasing her down the stairs. 

“Wow. What the fuck was that all about?” 

Garrus' reply stung. "Damned if I know. She keeps saying how good it is to see me, but you'd hardly know it from the way she's acting." 

"Fuck friends. Who needs 'em. Who needs any of this shit?" 

"It's not shit, Jack." 

_Ah. Subject Zero._

"Well then what do you call it?" 

But it was Shepard’s voice that chased her away. 

“Ancient history, I guess. Come on, let’s go.” 

Liara scrambled away from her office before they could catch up to her. _Forgive me, Shepard._ She held back hot tears as she climbed in the skycar, robotically giving her address. _Forgive me for pushing you away. Forgive me for what I must do._

_Forgive me for still loving you so much it hurts._


	4. Chapter 4

“Spectres don’t blow up buildings filled with innocent people!” 

Vasir gasped a laugh, blood burbling in the dying Spectre’s lungs. “Sure we do. We get our hands dirty so the Council doesn’t have to.” Her breathing sputtered erratically, but her eyes were pure hate. “The Councilors might complain about our methods to soothe their consciences, but they never look too closely. Besides—” Vasir coughed, spurting purple blood. “You’re with Cerberus. Do you have any idea what your terrorist friends have done?” 

Shepard’s anger surged higher. “I’m not with them! I hate Cerberus, and if I get the chance, I’ll take them down as hard as I took you, and as hard as I’m going to take down the Shadow Broker.” 

Vasir snorted softly. “Tell yourself all the lies you like, but you’re no different from me. You want to judge me? Look in the mirror. Who’s the monster here, Shepard? Don’t you dare judge me. Don’t you dare…” 

“I’m not like you!” _I’m not._

She shouted her words to nothing, knowing the asari Spectre was dead. 

_I’m not._

Shepard pushed away, leaving the dead asari, and walking to where Liara stood further down the courtyard. The former scientist was intensely focused on the data she’d pulled from Vasir’s omni-tool. 

_“Eliminate T’Soni and retrieve the data. Civilian casualties not a concern.”_

Shepard’s anger spiked again, hearing the hit order so plainly. She forced herself to rein it in. “Vasir’s dead.” 

Liara didn’t even seem to blink. “I’m putting the data through to the _Normandy’s_ computers. We can be at the Shadow Broker’s base in a few hours.” She started walking before Shepard had a chance to react. “He’ll know about Vasir before long. If he decides to kill Feron…” 

Shepard ran to catch up. “We won’t give him time.” 

Again, no reaction. “We’ll need the Normandy’s stealth systems to get us in close undetected. The Shadow Broker’s agents are still shooting their way through Illium. With luck, they won’t notice we’ve left until it’s too late.” 

Shepard stopped, shocked. “That’s a little cold. They killed innocent people.” 

Liara turned, her face unreadable. “You know what I mean.” 

She shook her head. This cold determination Liara displayed, coupled with Vasir’s comments, had her in an emotional tornado. For the first time since landing on Illium, she felt anger at her former lover’s behavior. “Do I?” Shepard closed the distance between them. “When I hit the ground back there at the trade center, you went after Vasir without even a backward look.” 

Liara looked away, but not before Shepard caught the guilt in her eyes. “A little fall wasn’t going to kill you. I had to stay on Vasir. I had to stay rational. Make the call. Like I did with Sekat.” 

Shepard sighed. _What happened to you, Liara? This cold, calculating person isn’t you._ “That’s Vasir’s fault, not yours.” 

Liara leaned on the balcony, looking out over Nos Astra, refusing to look at Shepard. “Sekat had no idea what the stakes were. I put him in harm’s way to get the data I needed.” Her eyes dropped. “I got him killed. And… I’d do it again.” She shook herself, pushing off the railing. “But from here on out, things will be simple. Get in, get Feron, get out.” Liara walked away, leaving Shepard to scramble after her. “And kill anyone who tries to stop us.” 

Shepard ground her teeth. She could hear the guilt and uncertainty that laced Liara’s determined tone. _How long can she keep up this pretense?_ “That’s it?” 

Still no reaction. “That’s it.” 

“Will you just stop for a second?” Shepard grabbed her arm, spinning Liara around to face her. “We’ll be jumping several light years. There’s time to talk.” 

Liara stared back, defiance laced with worry. “About what?” 

Shepard lost it. “About us, dammit!” 

“Shepard, listen, I’m… I’m glad you’re here.” 

_Fuck this._ “You worried there might be terminals you need me to hack?” 

“That’s not fair!” The emotion Shepard had been looking for flooded Liara’s eyes. “You were dead!” 

“I came back!” 

“It’s not that easy!” Tears spilled over, running down blue cheeks. “You can’t just _come back_ , and have two years of mourning suddenly vanish!” 

“I—” 

Liara put a hand to her head, and closed her eyes. “I’m sorry, Shepard. I can’t get into this. For now, can we please just focus on getting Feron back?” 

Shepard ground her teeth. She was overflowing with things she needed to say, but all she managed to grind out was “Fine.” 

_But we’re going to talk about this. Eventually._

 

Liara paced the cargo hold. It was quiet, and about the only place she felt she wouldn’t intrude on a crew that didn’t know her. She’d almost gone looking for Garrus, or Dr. Chakwas, but the way Shepard had stormed away had left her feeling nothing but guilt. 

Guilt over how heartless she’d behaved. 

Guilt over all the innocents she’d put in the Shadow Broker’s cross-hairs. 

Guilt over how she’d treated the woman she loved. 

_I can’t let you in, Shepard. I can’t. I know myself too well. I’ll fall into your arms, and never leave, because that’s where I want to be. But I need to do this._

_I_ have _to do this._

_For Feron. For you._

_For me._

_I have to be strong enough._

_I have to be worthy of you._

It would be so easy, to let it go, to knock on Shepard’s door and let her take care of everything. Because she would. Liara knew the commander too well to doubt otherwise. She’d forgive everything, and go right back to taking care of her. 

Except that Liara didn’t want Shepard to take care of her. She wanted to take care of herself. She wanted to be able to approach Shepard on equal footing. 

_Not that that’s possible. Equal footing with the Savior of the Citadel, the woman who came back from the dead?_

_Impossible._

But this, she could do. She could prove she was capable, prove that she was worthy. At least as capable as Garrus, or Ashley. 

_I wonder what happened to Ash?_

She’d heard rumor that the Chief had received a promotion, and recently posted to one of the Alliance’s fringe colonies, but had heard little else. 

_I should have kept better track of everyone._

She’d tried. But her search for Shepard had consumed her, and by the time she’d handed over the commander to Cerberus, everyone else had gone their own way. 

Everything had fallen apart. _And I spent two years picking up the pieces._

Not that she thought it had been at all easy for the commander. Waking up in Cerberus’ hands, being told how much time had passed, while for her, it must have been like no time at all… 

But for all of that, she’d been so patient, so quietly hopeful. 

It broke Liara’s heart. 

_After all that, she still wants to help me. She still wants us._

_Goddess, I don’t deserve her. I never will._

 

_Fire._

_It burned everywhere._

_Explosions tearing through the ship. Burning her crew, people she loved._

_The deck shook, throwing her into space, but the fire followed. It chased her, swallowing her. Fire with faces, voices._

_“You deserted us, Shepard.”_

_“You were gone. Dead. Two years.”_

_“You didn’t save us.”_

_“You can’t just come back.”_

_The fire burned. Her crew burned._

_She burned._

_“Shepard!”_

“Liara!” 

Shepard bolted upright, unable for a moment to process the desk in front of her, her blinking terminal, or the small diary she’d been writing in before she fell asleep. But reality reasserted itself, memories resurfaced, and she slumped over with a groan. 

_Not again._

Some nights it felt like she’d never escape the nightmares. 

Shepard slowly stood, rotating her left shoulder. _Shower. That’ll help._

_“Commander, your heart rate is elevated. Are you alright?”_

She sighed. “Keeping an eye on me, EDI? I’m fine. Just a bad dream.” 

_“Would you like me to contact Dr. Chakwas?”_

“I said I’m _fine_ , EDI. How far from Hagalaz are we?” 

_“Very well, Commander. Our ETA is one hour and three minutes.”_

“Thanks, EDI.” She stripped off her shirt, grimacing at the Cerberus logo. Fuckers could have at least given me one shirt that didn’t have their logo plastered all over it. “EDI, what is Dr. T’Soni’s location?” 

She knew she shouldn’t ask, should just leave it alone, but the question had come out before she could quell it. 

_“Dr. T’Soni is currently pacing the lower third of the cargo hold. Would you like me to contact her?”_

“No. Thanks, EDI. That’ll be all.” 

_“Logging you out, Shepard.”_

Shepard pulled off her boots and sat, half dressed and lost in thought. 

_Why is Liara pacing cargo? Why is she in cargo at all?_ She’d expected the asari would have gone to see Dr. Chakwas, if anything. _Maybe visiting the medbay was too likely to bring back memories she doesn’t want to deal with._

_“I can’t get into this.”_

Shepard sighed, and finished undressing. Maybe the shower would clear her head. 

_I’m not giving up on you, Liara. Not unless you say definitively that there’s no chance for us._

_Maybe not even then._


	5. Chapter 5

Shepard charged with a scream, putting every ounce of biotic strength she had into it. 

_Gotta make him believe._

The yahg roared and lowered his shield, rushing to meet her. At the last minute, she dropped, sliding below the Shadow Broker’s assault, and coming up on the other side as he flailed. 

“Liara, now!” 

Liara’s biotic energy crackled, shattering the canopy above the Broker with a yank, and pouring fluid plasma over the giant creature. The yahg roared again, lunging even as his body fried. He aimed his shotgun, and Shepard’s eyes went wide. 

The shot ignited the liquid plasma, triggering a blast that threw her across the room. 

She groaned, slowly rolling back to a sitting position. The center of the room was empty, with only a few stray bits of plasma sparking along the floor and damaged ceiling to show what had gone on. 

That, and a few dents in her armor. 

_Liara…_

She turned, just as the asari came walking slowly up to her. Without a word, she extended a hand. Shepard released a slow breath and reached out to take it, pulling herself up. She took a minute to steady herself mentally before turning. 

Liara stood, breathing hard. Her expression was difficult to read, though. Relief she could see, definitely. Shock, too. But Shepard couldn’t tell what else was going through the asari’s mind. 

_Time was, I’d have known exactly what she was thinking, what she was worrying about._

Her own heart sank a little. _It’s over, at least. So, now or never._

Liara’s breaths came out almost as sobs. She leaned forward, as though looking for support, and Shepard’s hand rose to catch her. “Liara…” 

A groan stopped her. Shepard turned, suddenly overwhelmed with guilt for forgetting that Garrus had been knocked out at the start of the fight. She jogged over to him, only barely registering the small whimper that came from Liara. 

“You okay there, Vakarian?” 

Garrus took her hand and pulled himself up. “Did I miss the whole fight?” 

Shepard laughed. “Yeah, you sure did. You getting old on me?” 

“What? No! It’s not like you haven’t been knocked out before, Shepard. After all, you’re the one who died…” 

“Don’t remind me.” 

 

Liara watched Shepard walk away from her, and towards Garrus, and couldn’t stop the whimper that escaped her. She’d been so close to giving in, and just falling into the commander’s arms. 

_And why not? It’s finally over._

_But I don’t deserve her. Not after everything I've done..._

She bit down on the bitter truth, and walked over to the Shadow Broker’s console, instead of following. Shepard would make sure Garrus was alright. But the board was already lighting up with calls from concerned agents. 

_“Shadow Broker, this is Operative Borat…”_

_“Shadow Broker, we’ve had a momentary connection failure. Can you confirm status?”_

_“Operative Shora requesting update, are we still online?”_

_“Shadow Broker, I’ve lost our feed…”_

_“We’re online and awaiting instructions…”_

_“Shadow Broker…”_

_“Operative Degâl, requesting…”_

_“Broker…”_

The feeds tumbled into indistinct voices, all clamoring for answers. Liara closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. 

_Yes._

It was the work of a moment to open an across-the-board line. The settings were automatic, encryption keys and voice scramblers set. “This is the Shadow Broker. The situation is under control. We experienced a power fluctuation while upgrading hardware. It disrupted communications momentarily. However, we are now back online. Resume standard procedures. I want a status report on all operations in the next solar day. Shadow Broker out.” 

The feeds quieted. Liara took a slow breath. 

_And just like that, I’ve taken over the largest data network in the galaxy._

_Dear Goddess, what have I done?_

“Goddess of oceans. It’s you? How…” 

Liara turned slowly at Feron’s voice. She wasn’t sure what to say. “Well… Everyone who’s ever seen him in person, is dead. So…” 

Feron just stared. “You’re…the new Shadow Broker?” 

Shepard’s voice cut through the room. “Is taking over as the Shadow Broker really a good idea?” 

Liara balked. It was a question she should have asked herself before reaching out to the comm terminal, but now that she had… 

Was there any going back? 

She shook herself. “It was either that, or lose everything. His contacts, his trading sources… Shepard, those can help us. They can help _you_. With the Shadow Broker’s information network, I can… I can give you… I can…” The gravity of her situation suddenly crashed down on her. 

She was the Shadow Broker. _The_ Shadow Broker. 

And Shepard was Commander Shepard. Savior of the Galaxy. She had a mission. Stop the Collectors, stop the Reapers. 

Shepard would be leaving, and Liara, the Shadow Broker, would be staying. 

_Careful what you wish for._

She’d only wanted to be worthy of Shepard. Erase the disparity between them, or at least even it out some. 

But the consequences of that… 

_I’ve just lost her._

She turned away as tears poured down her face. 

_I’ve lost her. For good, this time._

Shepard’s hands on her arms pulled her back from the storm of emotion. Liara barely noticed that Feron and Garrus had left. She only had eyes for Shepard. “It’s over. It’s finally over.” _We’re over._ “For two years—” 

Her words cut off as Shepard wrapped her up in her arms. “It’s alright.” 

And then Shepard’s lips were on hers. 

Her body reacted first, folding into Shepard’s touch, lips parting for Shepard’s tongue. Hands pulled her closer, sliding up her back as her body responded. 

And then her brain caught up. 

Liara pushed away, tears threatening again. “It’s been two years…” 

A stupid thing to say. Clearly, it didn’t matter to Shepard. Or to her own feelings. _It would be so easy…_

She forced herself to continue, even as Shepard stared at her. “We’re different people.” _I am, anyway. You haven’t changed._ “You have your mission, and…” 

Shepard’s hands pulled her back. This time, she went slow, as though to say _you can pull away if you want_. But her hands gripped Liara’s body tightly, saying _I don’t think you do want to pull away._

She didn’t. 

The excuses just didn’t seem to matter. 

_They never did._

Shepard’s kiss was deliberate, thorough. Possessive. Her tongue swept into Liara’s mouth in slow strokes that she felt in every corner of her body. Her hands held her like a vise, molding her to Shepard’s body. Even through their armor, Liara felt her desire spike, felt the familiar heat she’d missed so much pool in her core. 

_I was a fool to think I could ever give her up._

She melted into Shepard’s body when fingers stroked below her crest. 

_Oh, Goddess._

 

Shepard took her time. Kissed her until she was sure it wasn’t possible for Liara to have a coherent argument left in her head. 

Especially with the way she was playing with her crest folds. 

She smiled to herself. _It may have been two years for you, but it’s only been a few weeks for me. I still remember how to touch you._

Finally, when she wanted nothing more than to pin the asari in her arms to the desk and devour her, Shepard pulled back, leaning her forehead on Liara’s. 

“Okay.” Liara’s breath came in gasps. “Okay, Kylie.” 

Shepard smiled, cupping Liara’s face in one hand, overjoyed at simply hearing her name on Liara’s lips. “Okay.” 

“But…” Liara pulled away, panting, clearly trying to think. “We should focus. See what our options—” 

“Liara.” Shepard caught her hand, stopping her. 

The asari turned back, flustered. “Shepard, I… I can’t think when you look at me like that.” 

_That’s kind of the point._ But she smiled, and let her go. 

Liara blushed, then turned back to the Broker’s console. “There… There are no safeguards. No user restrictions. It’s like he never anticipated anyone other than himself being here.” 

Shepard couldn’t help herself. Watching Liara slip back into research mode made her smile widen, reminding her of nights spent on the original _Normandy_ , locked in her cabin, pouring over notes on the Protheans. 

“And it’s all ours.” 

_That's a new tone._ “You sure you want to stay here? I… You could come with me.” 

Liara hung her head. “I have to stay here. We can’t pass this up, Shepard. All I wanted was to rescue Feron.” _And be worthy of you._ “But…” She turned, blue eyes seeking her own. “Is it wrong, that part of me wants this? With the Shadow Broker’s network, I can help you. Maybe… Maybe I can turn this operation into something better.” 

Shepard sighed. It was just so… Liara. “Yeah. And I’ve got the Collectors to make a run at. I’ll miss you, though. Don’t be a stranger this time, okay?” 

The sudden depth in Liara’s eyes made Shepard’s breath catch. “Small chance of that. Come back soon.” 

Shepard started to turn away, but stopped. “You know, I don’t have to leave right away. Come back to the _Normandy_. Have dinner with me. Drinks. Talk.” _Anything._

“I…” Liara glanced behind her at the console, then looked back. “Very well. I… I would like that. Just…just give me a few minutes?” 

Shepard chuckled. “Get settled in. I know you’re dying to find your way around.” Liara blushed, and she knew she’d hit the mark. “I’ll send Garrus over for you in an hour or so. Okay?” 

“Thank you, Shepard.”


	6. Chapter 6

Miranda was waiting when the main hatch opened. The woman had softened considerably since they’d first met, especially since Shepard had helped her secure her sister. Still, she was hard to read, and Shepard was a little surprised to see her there. 

“Everything alright, Miranda?” 

The operative fell into step beside her. “I was about to ask you the same, Shepard.” 

Shepard glanced behind her. “Yeah, I guess. We’re going to stick around here a little longer, though.” 

“I see.” 

Shepard sighed, and hit the button for the elevator. “Miranda—” 

Lawson cut her off. “You don’t have to explain. I know your history with Dr. T’Soni. I’m well aware of your feelings for her, and hers for you. I may know better than you, even.” 

“What do you mean?” 

The elevator opened, and both women stepped in before Miranda answered. “Do you know how we retrieved you, Commander?” 

“Yeah. Liara told me she tracked down my body, and gave it to you.” 

Miranda’s eyebrow twitched, but that was the only reaction she showed. “I don’t think you quite appreciate what she went through to bring you back. How much it hurt her, to see you like that. You were…not exactly recognizable, Shepard. Even I could tell how much it pained her.” 

Shepard stared at her for a moment. “Why are you telling me this?” 

Miranda looked away. “It hasn’t escaped my notice, Shepard, that you’ve gone out of your way to assist the crew with certain…lingering issues.” 

She shrugged. “We signed on for a suicide trip, Miranda. Focus is an absolute requirement. I thought you agreed with me on that?” 

“I do agree.” 

The elevator stopped, opening up just outside the captain’s quarters. Shepard leaned on the doorframe. “Then I don’t get it.” 

“Shepard…” Miranda sighed, and pinched the bridge of her nose. “You’ve gone out of your way to set things right for us, focusing on _our_ needs. My need to make sure Ori was safe. Zaeed’s need for revenge, even at the cost of your morals. Even Jack’s need to blow the hell out of the Pragia facility.” 

“Wait, you’re admitting that Jack had a right to blow that place?” 

Miranda cocked her head. “I’m not a fool, Shepard. I know Jack needed that. Just like she needs me to be the embodiment of everything she hates about Cerberus. She doesn’t want me to admit Cerberus’ faults. She needs me to be the enemy.” 

Shepard nodded, understanding, but still surprised. 

“But you, possibly more than any of us, have your own unfinished business. I know you’ve been unhappy. Distracted. And I know most of that centers around Dr. T’Soni.” 

Shepard scowled, and looked at the floor. “Your point?” 

“That I’m glad you’re taking time to get yourself straight. If the crew needs focus, that goes double for you. I know you can’t deal with all the repercussions of being brought back to life by Cerberus, of all organizations, but I’m glad you’re at least dealing with this. For whatever that’s worth. You need some happiness. You deserve it.” 

Shepard stared at her in shock. Whatever she’d expected her XO to say, that hadn’t been it. “Um. Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome, Shepard.” Miranda reached for the elevator control, then stopped short. “Oh, I took the liberty of making a few purchases on Illium, while you were tracking down Thane and the Justicar. They should be in your cabin.” 

Shepard shot her a confused look, but Miranda just smiled slightly, and punched the control for the elevator. 

_I will never understand her._

She shook her head, and turned to her cabin. Her fight with the former Shadow Broker was beginning to catch up with her, and suddenly, all she wanted was a shower and a nap. 

_Maybe I have time before Liara comes over._

Just like that, exhaustion was replaced by nervous excitement. Shepard stared at her cabin, suddenly lost. _What am I even doing?_

_God, I wasn’t even this nervous when we were chasing Saren, and I couldn’t believe I’d fallen for her._

She smiled at the memory. She’d felt so naïve, so confused. 

Now…now she just wished they could go back. Erase everything that had happened in the last two years. 

_Impossible._

But maybe…maybe they could at least move forward. 

_If Liara doesn’t chicken out._

Shepard sighed, and began stripping off her armor. Garrus had already agreed to fetch the new Shadow Broker at the appropriate time, laughing when she’d asked him. They both knew Liara too well to do anything else. 

_She’s probably already neck-deep in research._

The thought brought a tired smile to her face. Watching Liara hard at work had never failed to make her happy. It was her perfect element, much like the battlefield was Shepard’s. 

_She’s going to make the perfect Shadow Broker._

Shepard dropped the last of her armor, and fell back onto the bed, wincing at the new bruises she’d collected during the fight. 

_I should get up and shower._

She hardly noticed drifting off to sleep. 

 

“Liara?” 

She jumped at her name, and spun around. Garrus stood behind her, an amused expression on his face. “Garrus!” 

He chuckled. “We thought you might get lost in all this. Come on, take a break. This’ll all still be here once we’re gone.” 

Liara blushed, and stood. Her back was stiff from hunching over the console, and for a moment, she wondered just how long she’d been there. Shepard had been right to send Garrus for her. She never would have left on her own. 

She blushed harder, as the thought hit home. _It really must feel like only weeks for her. And she still knows me so well, even with all the time that has pased. Even with how much I’ve changed._

Emotion tangled in her chest. 

_Maybe this can work, after all._

“Earth to T’Soni.” 

She glanced up to see Garrus’s mandibles twitching with restrained laughter. Liara bristled for a moment, then laughed, the tension draining out of her. “I suppose some things don’t change. Thank you, Garrus. Shall we go?” 

“Right this way, Shadow Broker.” 

Liara began to follow him, then stopped, nervous. 

“Everything alright?” 

She looked down at herself. Her clothes were fine, really, but… “I was just thinking, it would be nice to, I don’t know, put on a dress. Except, now that I think about it, my things are still on the _Normandy_ …” 

Garrus cleared his throat, and pointed to the side, where the things she’d brought from Thessia sat. “I hauled them in a while ago. Wondered at the time if you’d even heard me. Guess I have my answer.” 

Liara blushed. “I am so sorry, Garrus.” 

The turian laughed. “Don’t be. I know you, remember?” 

“Still, I—” 

“Liara.” He tilted his head and smiled. “Go change. I’ll wait here.” 

She fidgeted for a moment more, then grabbed the case she needed and ran into a side room. Liara hadn’t really had a chance to look around the ship, since she’d dived straight into the Broker database as soon as Shepard had left. But she lucked out in her choice of rooms. The door opened into a small work space, a sitting room, almost. Desk, chairs, even a bathroom. 

_Thank the Goddess for small favors._

She hurried to the bathroom, stripping her armored suit off, and cleaned up as quickly as she could. The case she had brought held a few clothing changes, things she’d thrown together in the few moments before they’d left Illium. Practical things, really. 

Except one. 

Liara slowly drew out the red dress. She’d chastised herself for including it, a dress she’d never worn because it had made her think of Shepard. But she hadn’t been able to stop herself from packing it, any more than she’d been able to keep from buying it in the first place. 

She gathered the fabric to her, relishing the softness. Thessian silk. Expensive, more so than she should have allowed herself. It slid smoothly over her skin, gliding down her body, and bringing a smile to her face. 

_I hope Shepard likes it._


	7. Chapter 7

_be-eep_

_be-eep_

_Fire, and burning. Evacuation alarms._

_be-eep_

_be-eep_

_“Liara, go. Now!”_

_be-eep_

_No air._

_be-eep_

Shepard rolled over with a groan, trying to scrub the dream from her mind. _You’re awake. You’re alive._

_be-eep_

_What the hell is that god-awful noise?_

_“Shepard?”_

Her eyes flew open, her brain finally catching up to the comm-notification. _Fuck._ “Miranda?” 

_“I was beginning to wonder if I’d have to send Jack up to check on you. Your…guest is here. Garrus is giving her the tour, but you might want to hurry and make yourself presentable.”_

Shepard lunged out of bed. “Shit. Thanks, Miranda.” 

_“Of course, Shepard. Did you find those things I had sent up?”_

She groaned. “I completely forgot. Must’ve fallen asleep as soon as I walked in the door.” Kicking her armor out of the way, she headed for the closet. “What the hell am I going to wear? Have I even got time for a shower?” 

Miranda’s laugh came clear through the comm. _“You have time. I’ll arrange for the galley to send a meal up for you both, since I doubt you’ve eaten anything since breakfast. And Shepard, open your closet.”_

Shepard stared blankly. “I did.” 

_“I’d recommend the black halter, personally.”_

“Miranda… How did… Where…” 

Shepard’s closet had undergone a radical shift. The Cerberus tactical clothes that had primarily been the only occupants were gone, shoved into a pile in the back. In their place were a variety of other clothes, everything from new, unmarked tac gear, to plain shirts and pants for off-duty. But hanging to the side, by themselves, were three absolutely stunning dresses. One long and flowing in Alliance blue, another deep red and form-fitting. 

And then there was the black halter dress. Made from some kind of fabric that ate the light, and pooled over her fingers like water. Short, and made to show skin, with a practically nonexistent back. 

Perfect, in other words, for banishing any lingering doubts Liara might bring with her. 

_“It was the least I could do. I’ll let you know when Garrus is done with his tour.”_

Shepard pulled the dress from the closet with a smile. “Thank you, Miranda. I mean that.” 

She draped the dress on her bed, and hurried to the bathroom. Tonight would be a success, if it killed her. 

 

“So, that’s the new Normandy.” 

Liara smiled at Garrus. The turian seemed surprisingly proud of the ship, despite its Cerberus origins, but she could see why. “She’s beautiful. Better than the first.” 

He laughed. “I know. I was shocked, too. Apparently Cerberus builds good ships.” Garrus smiled, then stopped in front of the elevator. “Only thing left is her captain. Just head up one floor. Shepard’s room is the only thing up there.” 

She smiled nervously, then leaned in for a hug. “Thank you, Garrus.” 

“It’s good to have you back, Liara. Even if it is only for a little while.” He walked away, leaving her waiting for the elevator. But when it arrived, she was shocked to find it wasn’t empty. 

“Doctor T’Soni. It’s been some time.” 

Liara swallowed her shock, and looked over the dark-haired woman in the white and black Cerberus cat-suit. “Operative Lawson.” 

Miranda didn’t move from where she leaned against the back railing. “You don’t mind if we chat for a moment, do you?” 

Liara’s brows pulled together briefly. She hadn’t liked the woman from the start, and finding her on Shepard’s ship was not a pleasant surprise. _Still... She did keep her promise._ “Of course.” She stepped into the elevator. 

Miranda waited for the doors to close before speaking again, and when she did, the self-assurance was gone from her voice. “I owe you an apology, Doctor.” 

Liara stared, stunned, but the woman continued. 

“When you first brought Shepard to us, I didn’t understand. I thought you were just another lovesick asari maiden, devastated by the death of her first lover.” She turned, catching Liara’s eyes with her own. “I understand, now. I wanted you to know that. I understand why it had to be Shepard. And I’m glad…” Miranda swallowed, and looked away. “I’m glad you’re here for her. She needs you.” 

The elevator stopped, doors opening with a quiet hiss. But Liara didn’t move. She was frozen, speechless. 

Miranda glanced back with a smirk. “Best not keep her waiting.” 

Her words finally spurred Liara into movement. She stepped forward, out of the car. “Thank you.” 

The Cerberus operative smiled, but it was a genuine smile, with no ulterior emotion behind it. “Thank _you_.” 

The doors slid closed, but Liara stared at them for a few moments, trying to collect herself. Trying to reconcile the Miranda Lawson she’d just spoken to, with the woman from two years before, who had so coldly taken Shepard’s remains before dismissing her out of hand. 

And then Liara smiled. 

_The Shepard Effect._

It was the only explanation. 

_Some things just don’t change._

_Nor should they._

She laughed quietly to herself, then turned to the only other door on this level. The hatch opened as she stepped forward, revealing a much more spacious cabin than the one Shepard had used on the SR-1. A giant fish tank covered one wall, reminding her of the one she’d had in her apartment on Illium. Most of the fish were the same, too. 

“I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why they’d given me a giant fish tank, first time I walked in here.” Shepard’s voice came from further down the room. Liara didn’t turn to see her yet, just listened. Nervous. Steeling herself. “But it made me think of you, and the stories you told me about Thessia. So I filled it with as many fish from asari worlds as I could.” 

Liara smiled, finally turning to see the rest of the room. Her eyes, however, stopped dead on Shepard, and refused to go further. The fact that the commander wore a dress was shocking enough. But the dress itself… Black as space, it flowed over Shepard’s curves like water, except where it pooled low between her breasts and across the back, leaving it obvious that the human wore absolutely _nothing_ underneath. 

_Dear Goddess, how did I ever think I could give this woman up?_

Shepard looked up, wine in hand, her green eyes sparkling, shaggy red hair falling in her face, and Liara stopped breathing. 

It was like falling in love with her, all over again. A punch to the gut that was both exhilarating, and painful. The two years she’d spent mourning weighed on her, and yet, there Shepard was, alive, standing before her. Full of hope. 

And still carrying the weight of the galaxy on her shoulders. 

“Did you enjoy the tour?” 

It took Liara a moment to find her voice, buried beneath all the emotion that threatened to overwhelm her. “Yes. It’s…it’s a beautiful ship. I spoke to Joker. He seemed happy to see me.” 

Shepard snorted. “Let me guess. He asked if we’d be acting out scenes from Vaenia?” 

Liara smiled. “Yes. How did you know?” 

“It’s Joker. He’s been asking that since we first headed for Illium.” 

Dizzy, Liara shook her head, turning away from Shepard’s advance, and walked into the cabin’s workspace. Ship models of varying shapes and sizes rested on pegs above the desk, replicas of amazing detail. Below sat a terminal, dirty coffee mugs, and… Liara’s breath caught as her eyes skipped to the holo of her, a ridiculous photo they’d taken on the Presidium after Saren’s defeat. 

She spun, blinking away tears. “I also…spoke to Dr. Chakwas. I’m glad she’s doing well.” It had been nice to see both of them, and Liara regretted not doing so before. She looked down at the package in her hands, afraid to let Shepard see everything she was feeling. “I brought you something.” Liara handed the frame over. “It took some digging, but… I recovered your tags.” 

The memory came unbidden as Shepard reached out. _The frozen expanse of Alchera, the mangled wreckage of the Normandy. Pieces of Shepard’s armor, broken and burned. And no body. No body, nothing to bury. Only an intact helmet, and there, a few feet away, a familiar chain…_

Liara blinked the memory away, taking a slow, deep breath. Shepard was right there, talking to her. Not dead. Not burned and destroyed. 

Alive. 

“I thought I’d never see these again.” 

The pain and longing in Shepard’s voice as she spoke hurt almost as much as the memory. But Shepard smiled, and walked past her, setting the frame on her desk, next to the holo. 

Liara’s eyes traveled down the commander’s body, following the muscles of her back, the dip of her skin, the curve of her spine. The bruises from their earlier fight, already turning dark. She reached out before she could stop herself, tracing the tip of one finger over the glowing orange scars that marred the human’s skin. “We can’t get back everything we lose. But sometimes, you get lucky.” 

Shepard turned, a mischievous grin spreading across her face. “Yeah, that was the plan.” 

Liara blushed, and pulled away. “How are you actually doing, Shepard?” She stopped in front of the fish. “I mean, really. Not what you tell your squad to keep moral up.” 

The commander sighed, her expression turning serious. “Between you and me? I… I have no idea how we’re going to do this. I’m doing everything I can, but…” 

Liara stepped forward, unable to stand the pain and fear in her commander’s voice. “You’ve done more than most. There wouldn’t be a man, woman or child left on Horizon, if not for you.” 

Shepard pushed off the desk, and walked down the few steps into her room. “I saved some of them. Not enough. As Ash was kind enough to point out to me, right before she called me a traitor.” 

Liara gasped. “Traitor? How… How could she? Shepard—” 

The human shook her head. “In her mind, I am. She was with me when we raided those Cerberus bases, when we found out who was behind my unit’s death on Akuze. And it’s not like the rest of the Alliance doesn’t agree with her. Maybe I am a traitor.” 

“Kylie, no.” _Goddess, this is my fault._ “You never asked Cerberus to bring you back. You didn’t ask them to give you a ship, or send you to save colonies the Alliance won’t. You are doing the best you can, with a situation you never would have chosen. None of this is your fault.” Liara took a deep breath, and looked away. “If anything, it’s my fault. I gave you to them.” 

“No.” Shepard was there, before Liara could look up, before she could remember to keep the distance she needed. Pale hands wrapped around her blue ones. “You’re the reason I’m alive. If it wasn’t for you, the Collectors would have my body, and I would be dead.” Her hand came up, cupping Liara’s face. “I owe you everything.” 

“Shepard…” 

Kylie pulled away. “But the Collectors _will_ keep hitting colonies, until I stop them.” 

“You’ll stop them.” It was never a question. It was simply what Shepard did. She did the impossible, what no one else could. 

_The Shepard Effect._

Shepard looked up, the corner of her mouth quirking. “And here I thought it’d be difficult.” 

“You’ll get it done, Kylie. You always do. I just…” She looked away. “I just don’t know what comes next.” She looked back, hesitant, worried. “Tell me what you want. If this all ends tomorrow, what…” Liara swallowed. “What happens to us?” 

Shepard grinned, her tone joking, but her eyes serious. “I dunno. Marriage, old age, and a lot of little blue children?” 

Liara choked, even as Shepard’s face shifted to match her eyes. She reached out with a quick shove, desperate to keep the mood light. “You just…say these things.” 

Turning away, Liara walked over to the small desk beside Shepard’s bed. Her heart felt too full. The memories, the feelings. 

_Marriage, old age, and a lot of little blue children._

It was everything she wanted, everything she’d wanted from the moment Shepard had grinned at her through that damnable Prothean security bubble. And everything she’d lost, in one fiery moment, as the _Normandy_ disintegrated. 

She leaned forward onto the desk, overwhelmed, tears refusing to hide. “Goddess. You were dead.” _So, so dead._

Another memory rose up, the half-incinerated, contorted remains of Shepard’s body. _Her beautiful lover, destroyed. Ribs poking through charred muscle, a shattered bone all that remained of the so-recently healed arm she’d broken on the Citadel. Burned and frozen flesh, hanging in tatters. Only her face recognizable, thanks to the helmet, but even her gorgeous green eyes were gone, replaced by bloody orbs, blood that ran cruel lines from eyes and nose and ears and mouth, a mouth parted in an eternal scream…_

A sob broke from her chest. 

“I got better.” 

Liara laughed sharply through her tears. It was just such a _Shepard_ thing to say. _‘You were dead.’ ‘I got better.’_

But really, did anything else matter? 

Liara turned, allowing herself to touch the woman she loved, proving Shepard’s words true. Solid flesh, below her fingertips. But still… “You did. This time.” She took a deep breath, and pulled back. “But you’re going to leave again.” She looked up, watching the stars through the window so thoughtfully installed above the commander’s bed. “When your team is ready, you’ll jump through the Omega-4 relay. “ 

She felt, more than heard, Shepard approach from behind. Felt the heat as her body molded against Liara’s back, and solid human arms wrapped around her. Liara turned, tears still falling, desperate for Shepard to understand that this, _this_ was why she pushed away. As much as it had started out as a need to be worthy, _this_ was what it came down to, what it kept coming down to. 

“I spent two years mourning you, and it almost killed me. I can’t do that again, Kylie. I can’t. So if we’re going to try this, I need to know you’re always coming back.” 

Shepard didn’t even blink. She didn’t hesitate. “I’m _always_ coming back, Liara.” She smiled then, softly, looking down at her hand as she played with Liara’s fingers. “I may need a little help, but…I’m always coming back.” Her voice grew serious, her face dark. “Nothing in this galaxy will keep me from a future with you. Not the Collectors, not the Reapers, not death.” Liara gasped as Shepard looked up, her green eyes burning. “ _Nothing_.” 

“Kylie…” 

And then Shepard’s lips were on hers, and nothing else mattered. The galaxy could burn around them, and it wouldn’t matter. Because she was there, in Shepard’s arms, and it was enough. 

It was enough.


	8. Chapter 8

“Kylie…” 

Her name, whispered reverently, and Shepard knew. The last doubt, the last barrier, was gone. She’d won, and Liara was hers again. 

_Finally._

The thought flooded her mind as she sealed her victory with a kiss. _Their_ victory, because it could never be anything but both of theirs. 

Finally. 

All the doubt, the fear, the _wrongness _she’d felt since waking up on a Cerberus base fled. She pushed hungrily into the kiss, needing it, needing _her_. __

Liara’s hands pulled her close, splaying across her back and setting her skin on fire. She felt everything through the thin material of her dress—the hardening of Liara’s nipples, the seams of her clothing. 

It wasn’t enough. 

The zipper at Liara’s back fell away easily. Shepard spared a moment to admire the quality of the silk, the gorgeous red that beautifully complimented her lover’s skin, and another moment to appreciate the way it fell from her body. 

But only a moment. 

A frenzied urgency drove her, a level of desperation she’d never felt before, for anyone or anything. And the way Liara clung to her, the way her fingers dug into her back, and her mouth devoured her, Shepard was certain the asari felt it too. 

Liara’s hands shifted, sliding up her front, gliding across the fabric of her dress and across her breasts. “Goddess, Shepard. This dress.” 

“I know.” She moaned, nipping at Liara’s jaw, stroked the folds behind her neck. “Thank Miranda.” 

Liara gasped. “Later.” 

Deft fingers pulled at the single string that held her dress up, untying the bow behind her neck. The fabric slithered down her body to pool on the floor, making her shiver. 

A corner of her mind was sad to see it go. The rest of her was happy enough to have the last barrier removed. Liara pawed at her breast, rolling a nipple hard between her fingers, and Shepard snarled. 

Need. 

Need overwhelmed her. Need for Liara’s body, for her mind. Need for the connection she’d felt bereft without. Need for release at the hands of the only person that could make her feel this way. She forced Liara to the bed, devouring her mouth, her jaw, the soft slope of her neck and shoulder, pressing bodily against her and desperate for more. No matter how much of her she touched, licked, kissed, it wasn’t enough. 

“Kylie…” 

The breathless sound of her name came as accompaniment to the nudge of Liara’s consciousness against her mind. 

_Of course._

Shepard opened herself, mind and soul, and found what she’d been looking for. The meld flooded her mind, full of overwhelming love, and a desperation that matched her own. Thought became superfluous. Each reached for the other, physically and mentally, until there was only the meld, only each other. 

Frantic pleasure. Frenzied. The force of their joining brought them both to the edge and over, too deep in the meld to separate, too deep in need to stop. A second climax tore through them on its heels, dragging them deeper, pleasure so complete, so tangible, so eternal, that it felt like the universe laid bare. 

Coming back from the darkness of eternity left Shepard exhausted, and feeling infinitely smaller. 

Smaller, but far more complete. 

Reality re-solidified around her slowly. Liara’s heartbeat in perfect sync with her own. Starlight glinting from the window above them. Cool air on her overheated skin, and the burning heat of Liara’s body pressed against her. 

Lips, gently teasing her shoulder. 

_“Goddess, I have missed you, Kylie.”_

Shepard reached through the lingering shallow meld, projecting love and joy, all the emotion that threatened to drown her, now the urgent need had temporarily abated. _“I love you, Liara.”_

 

_Goddess._

Liara had never felt anything so intense as their joining. She felt full. Full of love for this human that so easily tied her in knots, full of a less dominating (but no less potent) need to show her how important she’d become. The heat of their frantic coupling still burned around them as they lay panting, Shepard flat on her back and grinning. Their connection through the meld held strong, neither willing to give it up yet. 

The mere thought of separation, however minor, caused a pang of sorrow so sharp that she felt Shepard suck in her breath. 

_“Liara? Love?”_

She turned, pulling the human in for a kiss. _“I love you.”_ She took her time now, exploring her lover’s mouth with gentle strokes of her tongue, soft nips and bites. Shepard sighed and pulled her closer, but the new Shadow Broker had other plans. 

Liara pulled back from the kiss, trailing lips and tongue down the human’s body. Tasting the column of her neck. Savoring the dip at her collarbone. She nibbled a trail down her chest, paying special attention to the bright scars that crisscrossed the commander’s skin. She felt Shepard begin to pull away, then, her mind full of emotional pain and embarrassment at the reminder of her death and unwilling resurrection. 

_“Please, my love.”_ Liara reached immediately to pull her back, flooding her commander’s mind with adoration and comfort. _“Let them serve as a reminder of your life, rather than your death. Let me love them, as I love all of you.”_

Shepard’s reply was wordless, a force of adoration and emotion so raw, that it tore at their bond, pulling them deeper again. Liara flowed with it for a handful of moments, before drawing back just enough to maintain self-awareness. Shepard’s mind radiated tendrils of confusion, but only until Liara resumed her careful worship of the human’s body. She felt the commander arch against her as she took a nipple into her mouth, felt the echoing wet heat through the meld as she sucked gently, dragging her tongue against the hard nub. 

Shepard groaned, and Liara did it again. She took her time, alternating licks and nips with gentle suckling, until the commander was writhing on the bed, hands fisted in the sheets. And then she switched sides, and started all over again. When she’d brought Shepard to begging, Liara smiled, and continued her slow study, tongue drawing circles along the skin of her torso, mouth and fingers tracing scars while she flooded Shepard’s mind with love, chasing away the hate and self-doubt. She carefully caressed the bruises from their earlier fight, letting her hands drift from the commander’s sides to her long, lean legs, as her kisses worked steadily closer to her goal. 

And when she worked her way between Shepard’s legs, Liara stopped, and smiled, while her lover whimpered with need. 

But Goddess, she’d missed this sight. Shepard’s sex, so wet and waiting. The scent of her arousal. 

Her taste. 

Liara dipped her head, spreading Shepard open with her fingers, and dragged her tongue slowly upwards. Shepard’s hips bucked, as Liara sucked gently on the hard ridge of her clit before pulling away to lick her lips. 

_Liara, love…_

She chuckled at the desperation she could both feel and hear. _Patience, Kylie._ Liara closed her mouth on her again, then gasped as Shepard’s hands clamped down on her head, massaging her crest. 

_Fuck patience. It was never my strong suit._

Liara laughed aloud, prompting another moan as her mouth vibrated against Shepard’s sex. _No, it wasn’t._

_Please, Liara!_

She felt Shepard draw her farther into the meld again, making it impossible to ignore the way her own tongue felt, the wet heat of her mouth. They groaned in unison, even as Liara fought the blurring lines between her and them. She wanted this for Shepard, wanted her to know just how much it meant to her to bring the human woman pleasure. 

_I know, love. Please, just…_

Liara plunged two fingers into her before Shepard could finish the thought. She could feel Shepard was close, felt it in the way her own clit throbbed with every suck, every lick of her tongue. Pushing in a third finger, she renewed her efforts, pushing the commander closer to the edge, even as she felt herself being pulled along. 

A curl of her fingers, that spot she still knew so well, and over they went together, Shepard screaming her release out loud and through their joined minds. Liara lost herself for a moment or two, drowning in the shared pleasure of their meld, only to find herself on her back, Shepard’s body pinning her down, mouth hungrily devouring her own, when she resurfaced. 

_God, Liara. I can’t get enough of you._

Liara ground against the commander’s thigh. _Nor I you. One lifetime, a hundred. It would never be enough._ She knew it then, as her body raced towards another release. She would always crave this mad, impulsive, brilliant soldier. Her mind, her body, her voice…her love. _Always, Kylie. I want you always._

_You have me, Liara. Forever._


	9. Chapter 9

_Fire._

_Fire everywhere. Burning, consuming. Surrounding her._

_She couldn’t breathe._

_The fire raged, burning hotter, so hot. And then cold, so cold. Freezing._

_Freezing her lungs, her mind, even as she burned._

_Her awareness shifted, even as she burned and froze, until she stared down at her body, charred, broken._

_Disintegrating._

_Dead._

_Bloody, broken eyes, and an unrecognizable body._

_Dead eyes, that stared back at her._

_Taunting._

“No!” 

Shepard was half out of bed before a pair of warm, alive hands caught her. “Kylie!” 

She turned, a sob catching in her chest, her breath coming in broken gasps. _I’m not dead. I’m not dead._ Arms wrapped around her, offering support and salvation. 

She sagged backwards into them. 

“Shepard…” 

She shook her head, wishing she could hide in Liara’s embrace. “Just a dream.” _It was just a dream._

But the memory of her own broken body wouldn’t leave her. 

Liara held her tighter. “Does this… Does this happen a lot?” 

_Too much._ “It’s nothing.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

Shepard shook her head again, a single, abrupt jerk, then stopped herself. “When…” She swallowed, and started again. “When you found my body. How bad…?” 

She couldn’t bring herself to finish. 

Liara’s momentary silence was full of pain. 

“Very bad.” 

Shepard nodded. Her hands went to the scars across her chest and stomach, wrapping around them, as though trying to erase the reminders of her death. “I…I think I caught a glimpse. During the meld.” 

Liara’s hands wrapped around her own. “Oh, Kylie.” 

A choked sob wrenched from her throat. “I’m so sorry, Liara. I’m so, so sorry.” 

“I am sorry, too.” Warm lips traced the scar across her left shoulder, soothing the phantom ache. “You came back, Shepard. However it happened, that’s all that matters.” Her kiss continued over the back of the commander’s neck, and down her spine. “You came back, and you’re here. You’re alive. We’re alive.” 

Shepard pulled Liara’s arms tight around her. They were alive. 

_And by damn, we’re going to stay that way._

“Liara?” 

“What is it, Kylie?” 

Shepard sighed heavily. “There’s...something I need to tell you.” 

Liara sighed, and rested her cheek against the back of Shepard’s shoulder. “Aria?” 

Her body tensed, then sagged again, realizing that just as she’d caught glimpses of her corpse in Liara’s mind, her lover must have seen something in her own. She’d been so angry, so full of self-loathing. Omega’s Queen had picked her up, knocked some sense into her, but it had come at a cost. It wasn’t her finest moment, by far. “I’m so sorry.” 

Liara was silent for a long moment, before her answer finally came. “Don’t be. It… I saw…what she offered you. The pain and anger, the sorrow that was eating you alive. It’s more upsetting to me that I wasn’t there for you. That I was partly to blame, even. My rejection—” 

“No, Liara—” 

“Yes, Kylie.” The asari’s arms held her tighter, as if to emphasize her words. “I was so caught up, that I pushed you away. I can’t blame you when it was my own fault. I had you _right there_! And I could have lost you all over again. I almost did.” 

Shepard’s heart wrenched. She wrapped her arms tightly over Liara’s, holding her fast. “You didn’t. You couldn’t. I love you so much, Liara. There was no way I was going to let you go, not as long as we were both alive. I just keep asking myself, how the hell did I get so lucky? Because I damn well don’t deserve you. Not after everything I've done.” 

“Kylie Shepard, don’t you ever say that again. If anyone here is undeserving, it is me.” 

Shepard shook her head, then turned slowly in her lover’s arms. “Maybe neither of us deserves the other. Or maybe we deserve each other more than anything in the galaxy. All I know is I’m never letting you go again.” She leaned in, capturing the asari’s lips with her own, gently claiming her. “Never.” 

“Forever.” 

 

Standing at the airlock, Shepard caressed Liara’s face again, kissing her one last time. “God, I don’t want to leave.” 

Liara leaned in until their foreheads touched, and Shepard could see tears glistening at the corners of her eyes. “I know. But we both have work to do. You need to stop the Collectors, and I have information to gather.” She exhaled a shaky breath. “But Kylie… Goddess, please come back. Alive.” 

Shepard growled. “I will, Liara. I swear I will.” 

Liara’s blue eyes bore into hers. “I don’t care what it takes.” 

“I’ll come back. Death doesn’t get me a second time.” 

She watched as Liara swallowed tightly, then nodded. “Good. Come back soon.” 

Shepard grinned. “Count on it.” 

A final kiss, one full of hope and love, and she was gone. Shepard inhaled slowly, then let it all out in a rush. When she turned, she found Miranda waiting. 

“It’s good to see you smile, Commander.” 

Shepard grin widened. “Thanks for the dress.” 

The Cerberus operative smirked. “My pleasure. Where are we off to, now?” 

Shepard’s grin turned feral as she turned towards the galaxy map. “Omega. I promised Samara we’d stop in.” 

“Not planning on another drinking binge, I hope.” 

The commander raised an eyebrow at the reference to her last trip to Omega, and climbed up onto the activation platform. “No, one was enough, thanks. I’ve just decided I have no desire to let this suicide mission actually end in suicide. When we go, I’m going for payback. Those bastards made this personal. I intend to collect—and come out the other side, preferably with my team intact.” 

Miranda shook her head, triggering a questioning look from Shepard. “How do you do it, Commander? I’ve been trying to figure you out from the day the Illusive Man assigned me the Lazarus Project. What is it about you?” 

Shepard laughed, keying in the destination. “Liara calls it _The Shepard Effect_. But you know what, Miranda? I haven’t got a fucking clue.” 

The operative shook her head, a slightly dazed smile on her face. “Whatever it is, Shepard, remind me never to get on your bad side. I’m actually starting to pity the Collectors.” 

“You should pity them. Because they’re not going to live to realize their mistake.” Shepard’s eyes narrowed slightly. _And they won’t get a second chance to kill me._

_After all, I have promises to keep._


End file.
